Kill comparisons. There are at least two types of comparisons couples make that can enhance ems rath

Most of us are familiar with the cycle. At work, the pressure to be always on, to meet deadlines, to serve the demands of colleagues or customers, or to deal with a difficult coworker can create stress that leaks into our personal lives. This stress can cause us to be impatient with romantic partners or kids or to neglect our duties at home, creating a vicious cycle of anxiety outside the office that makes work stresses even harder to face.
There are countless examples of couples driven to the edge by work-related stress. And psychological ems studies have shown that outside stressors particularly stress at work can push relationships to the breaking point. But they don t have to. The vicious cycle of work home stress can become a virtuous cycle when partners learn to cope with stress together. We are social ems beings who tend to be happier when connected to others ems . Our romantic partner ems is, almost ems by definition, ems the person on whom we rely to provide support, and recent research has shown (PDF) that partners who practice dealing with stress ems together early on can actually strengthen the durability of their relationships over time.
Listen and support. There s a time to question, challenge, or offer solutions. But often when helping a partner deal with professional stress, listening and support are most valuable. Research conducted by eHarmony ems , for example, found that partners who are supportive when their counterparts share bad events maintain relationship satisfaction and create an environment that leads to fewer arguments. And we ve almost all experienced the benefit of a friend or partner simply letting us talk through our problems, encouraging us through active listening . Silence can be one of the most powerful forms of communication. And asking thoughtful questions can help your partner gain clarity and come to his or her own conclusions.
Recognize ems and respect different coping mechanisms. Partners often cope with stress differently. In our marriage, one of us likes to talk everything out as soon as possible after a hard day, and the other needs a little downtime after work to decompress. These aren t the most compatible coping mechanisms and when we re both coping in our own way, we tend to drive each other crazy. Over time, we ve learned to compromise. Recognize that you and your partner may have different ways of dealing ems with stress, and there isn t necessarily a right way of coping. Try to accept those differences and then find ways to accommodate one another. For example, let a partner who needs downtime after work have 30 minutes in front of the TV or on the treadmill, but ask that partner to agree to engage more later over dinner or out for an afternoon stroll. Identifying and working with those differences can be essential to productively dealing with stress.
Kill comparisons. There are at least two types of comparisons couples make that can enhance ems rather than counteract stress. First, resist the urge to compare yourself or your partner to others ems professionally judging your success relative to others. ems This can lead to doubt, inadequacy, and worry , and it s a poor substitute ems for internal motivation. Second, don t succumb to the temptation to compare stress levels with your partner. When you ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses, it s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important your own issues are. But that only creates tension. Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner. And try to solicit your partner s help and empathy in your own stress without drawing direct comparisons or judging which is more important. Each partner is an equal, and all stressors are valid and important.
Be active together. One of our favorite activities as a couple is walking in the afternoons. When the weather s warm enough, we take our son out for a walk around the neighborhood, using the time to catch up and talk through our days. We find that getting out and getting active together is a great stress reliever. Even moderate physical activity can lead to lower levels of stress. Boston University s Michael Otto has noted , Usually within five minutes after moderate exercise you get a mood-enhancement effect. And numerous studies have confirmed ems exercise as an effective way to enhance mood and fight depression. Exercising together kills two birds with one stone, allowing you to stay physically active and spend more time together.
Find time to cheat (on your job and your kids!). Remember, you are with your partner because you love them you like to spend time with them, talk to them, and share with them. But often, partners get in a rut. Work piles up. The kids need chaperoning to soccer practices and school events. And the easiest thing to cut out is often one-on-one time with each other. We ve noted elsewhere ems that downtime can improve physical and mental health , and we’ve encouraged couples to